I used to try to be the perfect mom, or at least the opposite of what my mom was to me. When my daughter was born, I was lost and confused. I had created something, but I had no idea what I was suppose to do. I spent many months thinking I was not good enough, having my husband do a lot of the work. I tried to reach out, but there was no one there.
How to be a mother. There is no guide book. There should be a book about all the mistakes you will make, and how they are perfectly natural, or about how well you really are doing. I would buy that. Gosh, it's been so many years with that girl now. I couldn't hold up perfection that long. After my mom died, there was no one to compete with to be a better parent. Did I only do it because of her? A million hours at the park, trying every lesson for anything that was around, thousands of dollars and hours on therapies.
Then I think of how I love her. How when she was little, it was like we were one person. How I got to really know her in a way that is usually impossible. If I got that, exacting some sort of revenge against my mother, I guess it was worth it. Ours is a seamless love. I hope you have someone like that in your life.