I know I haven't written in a while. I'm sure you're all secretly heartbroken. I have been trying to create a shift in my life. A movement towards something calm, safe, and loving. It's not on a map anywhere. I know it has to come from me. I think that's what I struggle with most. Not knowing myself can be a problem. I was always someone else's something to pick on, to criticize, to suck dry. My gosh, my mother was one of the greatest vampires. She could suck you dry, and keep your love by withholding water.
Since she died, I have felt very lost. I'm not used to this strong puppeteer being gone. It means I have to find a well, dig my own water out of the ground, and nurture myself. I want to quench myself with water purer than I was given. When will I love myself, when will I find peace in my mind? I will work on it. Think of me please, maybe we can be better together.